The Art of Being a Couple | Theodore Zeldin | TEDxOxford

  • Published: 17 May 2016
  • In this talk Theodore discussses how some couples can have long loving relationships.

    Dubbed the 'most popular Englishman in France', Oxford based Zeldin is a leading world expert on France and what it means to be French. He is renowned for his studies on happiness, asking pressing questions like 'where can a person look to find more inspiring ways to spend each day?'

    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at

Comments • 364

  • Rawan Mk
    Rawan Mk  1 days back

    How can one know about someone else, when almost everyone do not know what they really are?

      CELAINE FARR  1 days back

      THEODORE ZELDIN, I like listening to the sound of your voice. 🌻

      • Lidia Chandler
        Lidia Chandler  3 days back

        It is just amazing. He managed to cover all the questions that I ve been asking myself. Wow

        • Saba Enayati
          Saba Enayati  2 weeks back

          he has many good ideas but talks scattered (I don't know if this world is meant what I meant) and the title is misleading.

          • Rita Jana
            Rita Jana  3 weeks back

            I LOVED this TEDx Talk! It really touched my heart. Thank you Mr. Zeldin and Tedx Talks

              SEVENTHREEANDNINE  3 weeks back

              The title doesn't work for the actual talk... he is not speaking on couples specifically. Not at all. This is a talk on his opinions on humanity. Basically listen and understand, know yourself and be understood.

              • Howard Ellison
                Howard Ellison  3 weeks back

                For some reason, I wonder what, Dr Zeldin is yet another genius pretty much ignored by standard education in UK. There's a biography and info on his books at Wikipedia

                • Julia Kent
                  Julia Kent  3 weeks back

                  Well, I sure would like to see his significant other. As he talked I thought of “her.” I like very much when he said, in effect, this is what I’m about, what I think. And if nobody else agrees it would be no good. Now what about you? What do you think? I imagine him modeling the art of being in a relationship for the audience.

                  • Prissy Dinglehoffer
                    Prissy Dinglehoffer  3 weeks back


                    • Wendy Correa
                      Wendy Correa  4 weeks back

                      Beautiful talk

                      • Maria Ines Alves de Campos

                        Very interesting talk! Thank you very much!!

                        • MA Matters
                          MA Matters  4 weeks back

                          We are now 17:45 into this lecture. When is the speaker going to get into the art of being a couple?

                          • Jean Laubenthal
                            Jean Laubenthal  1 months back

                            Perhaps stop listening from agree or disagree and listen to what the person is revealing about themselves. Their wants, needs, struggles, passions etc.

                            • Darren Walshe
                              Darren Walshe  1 months back

                              Yes why people have different perspectives is what this is about

                              • Darren Walshe
                                Darren Walshe  1 months back

                                Expectations from partners fooks up relationships xx

                                • EstaviusMarx
                                  EstaviusMarx  1 months back

                                  A business has no incentive to do those things you describe. You may get it here or there but we need a radical rethink of how society is structured rather than thinking we can rely on private enterprise to give us a sense of community and belonging when it has a profit motive. It is efficient and effective at what it does, but we shouldn't expect it to do everything.

                                  • Rosalie DeGregory
                                    Rosalie DeGregory  2 months back

                                    Theodore is an example of why it is desirable for elderly old souls to stick around, to live long, long lives, providing perspective to the young ones (some of whom are old souls), helping them to create replacements for current societal systems. He may or may not realize that learning from the past includes what we have learned from an Akash of hundreds or thousands of lifetimes. That wisdom is the old soul advantage. Understanding and wisdom of current reality is the elderly advantage.

                                    • rosely covali
                                      rosely covali  2 months back

                                      The title has to be about couple, right?

                                      • Alexia Zinwer
                                        Alexia Zinwer  2 months back

                                        I love you!

                                        • Chris J
                                          Chris J  2 months back

                                          Boring guy 1/10

                                          • Sylhomeo
                                            Sylhomeo  2 months back

                                            Great talk. If people could listen first, we would maybe even stop the wars and the hatred

                                            • Frühlings Frisch
                                              Frühlings Frisch  2 months back

                                              Women are becoming educated?? Nooooooo waaaaay!!

                                              • Nutan, the ultimate luxury Lifestyle advocate

                                                My whole life is revolving around making a life beautiful and positive around ! My guy tries to talk and listen to my emotional subjects and it’s great that we try and that’s how 12 years of love is going on ... I hope blessings and humility from u all too x

                                                • Nutan, the ultimate luxury Lifestyle advocate

                                                  He is so beautiful in his idea and yes very much Eisenstein 😇

                                                  • Tatu Gatere
                                                    Tatu Gatere  2 months back

                                                    The title is off, yet still relevant. I came here expecting something else but I am so glad I stayed to listen. Beautiful message. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

                                                    • Ana
                                                      Ana  2 months back

                                                      Joder yo pensé que era punset😂

                                                      • Cheryl M
                                                        Cheryl M  2 months back

                                                        Wise words. Einstein is speaking through this beautiful soul.

                                                        • N M
                                                          N M  2 months back

                                                          Very interesting and I completely agree. I must be the odd one as I can easily connect with strangers but I struggle with connecting to people in my family, friends and hence have been single for years. I cannot connect in an intimate way. What would you suggest?
                                                          Thank you 🙏

                                                          • Fangio Forus
                                                            Fangio Forus  2 months back

                                                            I agree! Much easier to connect with strangers!

                                                        • Valeska Weich
                                                          Valeska Weich  2 months back

                                                          my god,he really has a pioneers spirit! Im inspired :)

                                                          • Natalie Mesbah
                                                            Natalie Mesbah  2 months back

                                                            What a beautiful, thoughtful, and imaginative discussion!!! Also, I love when the camera pans to a dark audience 😂

                                                            • Bernie Besterwitch
                                                              Bernie Besterwitch  2 months back

                                                              Christ was a fine example of how to listen to a person or how to start a conversation it's all in God's word, Christ has learnt all this from his Heavenly Father Jehovah there are so many instances when they communicated with the world on one to one, you are doing good they will be proud of you the JW website is amazing it helps people to do just that.

                                                              • leodre99
                                                                leodre99  2 months back

                                                                The title has nothing to do with the talk.

                                                                • Fiona Fay
                                                                  Fiona Fay  2 months back

                                                                  Great science hair!

                                                                  • Truth Eternal
                                                                    Truth Eternal  2 months back

                                                                    ... Do we listen to each other? ... For the most part ... No ... We do not ... Why?💜

                                                                    • Dani Metalbq
                                                                      Dani Metalbq  2 months back

                                                                      Communication technology is awesome. I love to get to know people from another part of the globe who has completely different background and yet share the same way of experiencing life. Thank you for sharing this talk. Much appreciated.

                                                                      • Stephanie Tanner, RN
                                                                        Stephanie Tanner, RN  2 months back

                                                                        Oh MY. Definitely going to need to watch this a few more times so I can chew on it.

                                                                      • Jennifer Sanchez
                                                                        Jennifer Sanchez  2 months back

                                                                        This man is very wise !

                                                                        • mukama anjagala
                                                                          mukama anjagala  2 months back

                                                                          Got very lost by the middle and end. Jobs, culture, experiments; The title is how to be a couple.

                                                                          • Rydra Wong
                                                                            Rydra Wong  2 months back

                                                                            Wait this is interesting but it’s not about being a couple at all. It’s about having meaningful human relationships. Why are YouTube video titles so often wrong?

                                                                            • Lauren Nicholson
                                                                              Lauren Nicholson  2 months back

                                                                              This wasn’t about couples... it was about mankind

                                                                              • Mbarara_ Beauty
                                                                                Mbarara_ Beauty  2 months back

                                                                                I crave for talks like these . So brilliant .

                                                                                • Isabel Cluzel
                                                                                  Isabel Cluzel  2 months back

                                                                                  Wishful thinking. For instance having hotel maids learn the local language would mean emancipation hence potential rebellion, so it's a no-go for companies. Communication is consciously held back by business world which decides what connections are allowed or not. The solution is rather at the personal level: stopping by on the street to talk to someone you don't know, be they waiters, homeless, elderly, young people etc.

                                                                                  • yasemin bakal
                                                                                    yasemin bakal  2 months back

                                                                                    I think it's not just know about each other and discover about the life. I think it's also the only way we can know ourselves. Seeing more and more in the world and ideas people have, is the way we need to follow to discover ourselves.

                                                                                    • Coolture
                                                                                      Coolture  2 months back

                                                                                      not too many people I can have conversation like him. too sad when I start conversation with someone like the kind of conversation he talks about, they lost interest. it makes me sad sometimes when I don’t understand what they are talking about they lost their interest talking to me. when I dont know about kardashians, the new music they listen to..... when I don’t have a career or education....they avoid me for further conversations.

                                                                                      • Shaun Brabant
                                                                                        Shaun Brabant  2 months back

                                                                                        I love in depth talks about life. I find the best way for people to want to talk about deep subjects is for you to ask them how thier day was and listen to thier heart and let them totally finish what their saying. And when they ask you how your days been Then you can share your heart. Basically listen first. Someone told me when your aware you care. This needes more depth but if you reply we can listen to each other more

                                                                                    • Holographic Multiverse
                                                                                      Holographic Multiverse  2 months back

                                                                                      Modern women don’t belong in a couple 💃

                                                                                      • juliette andrews
                                                                                        juliette andrews  2 months back

                                                                                        A wise man. I believe what he says is pertinent to all relationships including couples. I have lived with someone for fourteen years and he never talks about himself or asks me any questions about my life or opinions. It is bizarre, and difficult. I have learned to live with it as he is a good person, but I know I will never accept it and will continue to endeavour trying to have meaningful conversations.

                                                                                        • Marie Weiss
                                                                                          Marie Weiss  2 months back

                                                                                          “Very few people feel they’re really understood”

                                                                                          • Nile and Moon
                                                                                            Nile and Moon  2 months back

                                                                                            This title is misleading but a great topic & important to start rethinking our humanity.